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Friday, February 4, 2011

It's All About Me

I am suffering from cabin fever really bad.  And the problem when cabin fever kicks in things can go wrong, especially to your mind set.  I haven't been really thinking about negative thoughts, just not enough positive ones. Which will not help me if I want a positive life!

It's hard to stay 100% positive when negative things happen.  Of course, I feel negative things are happening, because I live with someone who always thinks the glass is half empty.  I try to stay positive, and then he has to always tell me the negative side.  My dad is the same way and it bugs me!  How can anyone be so negative all the time?

When I write or talk about negativity, that's how I start feeling.  Not a good feeling, it actually makes me want to cry.  I don't want to feel like this, I hate it and I want it gone!  So today, I've decided to make some changes.  I need to deal with a couple negative thoughts so I can feel better.  One of the worse things I tend to feel negative about, is me, my looks.  I have always had very low self esteem.  Except for when I was about 20 years old, at my lowest weight ever (140 pounds) and I felt great, attractive and beautiful.  What happen?  Well I quit smoking and started eating.  70 pounds later, I back where I was when I graduated from high school.  A weight that I told myself I would never weigh again.  This is hard to deal with every single day.  I feel like I'm fighting a battle that I can't win.  I am knocked down, and can not get back up.

So to conquer this feeling, I need to focus on me for a bit.  For the past six years, my life has revolve around my children and only  my children.  Don't get me wrong, I love my boys and my life is still going to revolve around them, but it's also going to revolve around me too!  It's going to take a little adjusting, but I know I can do it.

Today, feeling at my ugliest, I decided, even though I'm staying home, not planing on going anywhere, I'm going to fix my hair and put some make up on and put on some nice clothes and feel attractive.  Even though my first look at myself wasn't "Wow, look at me" though I made it be my second and last thought.

There is a beautiful person right here!  Looking at it, well, I sure do look better dressed, hair done and some make up on then I do when I'm lounging around in my pajamas.  My life does matter, and I can do whatever I want.  I will have whatever I want.  I will get whatever I want.  I am beautiful.  I am worthy. I am a good person. I am a great mom and I am just beginning a life I will always love!

I also will be focusing on more positive thinking and I will be writing what I'm grateful for every night, right here on my blog.  Some of the things I right may or may not be "real", no one will know.  But that's the secret, and that's what I will be gaining!


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